Hate to Love You
by StrawberryParfait
Summary: Takuya confesses to Kouji in a note during class. Things go well, but soon it will all come crashing down. Takouji/Koukuya Rated M for scenes later on. Previously known as "To Never Love Again".
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters and any coicidences are just a coicidence.

**Author's Note: **It sure has been awhile since I wrote anything that wasn't forced upon me. I have only written for class assignments, but that's it. It's been what…3-5 years? Yeesh. Well lately I have felt the need to give some love to my OTP. Hope you enjoy the first chapter, it's a slow start but it'll pick up. (:

Hate to Love You – Chapter 1

_Kouji POV_

It has been three years since we had ventured to the Digital World. We are now in our last year of middle school. Takuya, Kouichi, Izumi and I are in eighth grade. Junpei is already a freshman in high school and Tomoki is still catching up to us. We are all still close, and at least once a month we meet up and hang out together. Izumi and Junpei are in the middle of working things out, he finally got the nerve to ask her out a few months ago. Takuya is the captain of our school's soccer team. He became captain not too long ago, last year another chosen child much like us, Daisuke, was captain. My twin brother is pretty much my best friend. We go over to each other's houses almost every weekend. Tomoki and Takuya's little brother are in the same class. And I, well I don't think I have changed; much.

Every now and then, I think back to what all of us had gone through together. The good times and the bad, we always stuck together. And every now and then, I think of Takuya.

Oh now I have your attention?

As of late I have been thinking of Takuya a lot. I wasn't always close to him; in fact I couldn't stand the guy during our first encounter. Spirit evolving, thinking he was the shit, and he couldn't even save Tomoki, I DID. Ah, getting side tracked. Anyway, in the beginning I never liked him. I thought he was arrogant and obnoxious. But when we had to start working as a team, I got to know him. He's strong, confident, compassionate, and…

He's one of the nicest guys I know. It's just lately, I haven't been able to think about anything, or anyone, but him.

xxx

School is half way through; it's almost the beginning of fall. The air is really fresh, and the leaves are starting to change colors. Besides winter, fall has to be one of my favorite seasons of the year. Takuya and I have a few classes together, math (he's lucky, without me he probably die), gym, and English (which none of us is good at). Right now we are in math. I don't mind it much, I find it easy to understand while Takuya…no. God, he forces me to tutor him and then doesn't pay attention to anything I explain to him. It's so frustrating, but lately I don't mind. It's an excuse to be near him. Today has been really off, I've been such a klutz it's not even funny. I tripped walking up the stairs. Who does that? Luckily no one was around. In homeroom, sensei volunteered me to pass out papers and when I reached out to grab them from her, I dropped the whole stack. Izumi was there to help me pick the papers up quickly, but it was embarrassing. I felt my face flush and I glared angrily at the people that just stared at me. It's like they never seen papers fall. I admit I've never been so clumsy, but still. It's all because of Takuya. I can't get him out of my head.

As we sit in class listening to our sensei explain problems from the chapter we're in, I see Takuya writing down something. Really fast, what's his problem? I've never in my whole life, seen him take notes. And if he does, they're copied from me. All of a sudden, he looks up, and then turns around to look at me. I quickly look down at my book before he could see I was observing him. I feel my face get warm, even though the classroom is so cold. I then shift my eyes to look at him, he's crumpled the paper and put it in his bag. Weird. Now another piece of paper and more jotting of whatever he's writing. He sure looks nervous. Class seems to go on forever, I started to pack up my bag, and I see Takuya shove everything into his backpack and get up to walk towards me. Somehow this makes me flinch because he has no emotion on his face. I stand up and take step forward to meet him in the middle of the aisle of desks.

"If we sat closer, I would've gave this to you earlier," he says coldly.

Takuya hands me a paper folded up sloppily, before I could reply, he walks away from me.

I froze there for some reason, I didn't think of anything. I wasn't nervous, it's just. His face. He had no emotion at all, his deep brown eyes looked dark, not the usual Takuya. Something was up, he looked so drained. I looked down at the note, flipped it over to see:

_Read this when you are alone_

What? I wanted to open it so badly. Now I was nervous.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I, the author of this story, do not the rights to these characters. Any events that take place are a mere coincidence.

**Author's Note:** Woo! I'm on a roll! I've just really been in a good mood lately, so I'm actually going to save time out of my day to sit and update. Hope you enjoy the next chapter! Any reviews and critique, whether they be good or bad are very welcome. My specialty is drawing porn, not writing it. C;

Hate to Love You – Chapter 2

_Kouji POV_

The end of the day could not come any sooner! During all my classes, I couldn't pay attention. I just stared down at Takuya's note and read the short message over and over.

_"Read this when you are alone."_

I couldn't think of a reason why I had to read this when I was by myself. Sweat started to drip down my face as I tapped my foot on the ground. I tried to push away my anxiety by just staring at our teacher, hoping I could get through this last hour.

Finally when class was over, I packed up my stuff and quickly headed home. I had texted Kouichi earlier that we couldn't walk home today, that I had an errand to do for my step mom. I feel bad lying to him, he is so understanding and patient, I don't know what I would do without him. I walked at a fast pace on my way home, my heart beating so hard, I felt that I could feel my pulse. When I finally got home, I was glad to see my father was still at work and my step mom was probably doing an errand, ironically. I wanted to smile to myself, because I like my time alone, but I was too caught up in Takuya's note to feel any sort of relaxation.

I scurried up the stairs to my room, almost tripping again. Jesus, look what this does to me. I throw my backpack on the ground and threw myself on top of my bed. I almost tore the note trying to get it out of my pocket.

The moment of truth I suppose.

My heart is beating is fast, it almost hurts.

I open the note and take a deep breath.

_Kouji_

_You and I have known each other for a long time. I think this shouldn't be such a surprise to both of us. I really like you. And I want to be more than just friends. I think I love you. I think I have felt this way for a while now. I've been just too scared to tell you. I was always so happy when we hung out together, I wonder if I ever made it too obvious. I can't stop thinking about you. I hope this doesn't sound weird. It's probably already too late for that I guess. Lol I just needed to tell you to get it off my chest. I understand if you don't feel the same way. _

_Takuya_

What just happened?

I mean, I should be happy. This is what I wanted. I hugged the note. It's stupid, but Takuya isn't here for me to hug. My heart beat is slowing down, but my body is shaking.

I got my phone and I texted Takuya.

_Hey. I read your note. Do you want to meet up later?_

**_Oh. I can't today. I have to go to practice later and I'll probably be home late._**

_Oh okay. Can we meet somewhere else during lunch then?_

**_Sure. See you tomorrow._**

I stared at the screen dumbfounded. That's it? I held my phone to my chest and sighed. I feel like I did something wrong. He didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me, or maybe it was just me imagining things. I overthink too much. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

xxx

I got ready for bed and decided to retire early. I think I deserve to just lie down and rest after today. Kouichi had text me to see if I was alright. I love that boy. He's always thinking of others, I still feel bad lying to him. I reassured him I was fine, and that was more than enough for him. But I know my brother; he's going to ask me if I'm okay again tomorrow, he can feel if something is wrong. We are twins after all.

I woke up to find myself in the locker room. What the hell am I doing here? It's already 4:00, I should be on my way home, not in getting ready for gym. I suddenly hear footsteps, getting closer and closer. Damn, who the hell could that be? I'm really not in the mood to deal with anyone right now. I turn to see a sweaty boy, carrying his gym bag and has cleats hung over his shoulder. It's Takuya. He leans against the first locker in the aisle and smirks at me.

"Hey Kouji, thanks for meeting me here. I've been waiting for you," he said in a sultry tone.

"What are you tal-", before I could finish, he was already walking towards me, had dropped his things and I look down to see something bulging from his gym shorts. Dear God. This is a dream come true. I've had a fantasy of doing things in a locker room, but I'm not ready! I take a step back against the lockers as he gets closer. All of a sudden he's right in front me, and has me pinned against the cool metal of the lockers. He raises my chin up to look at him. Our eyes meet, but I can't help to look away. My face is already hot, and I'm probably blushing like mad.

"I want you," he says as he leans in to bite my ear lobe softly. My eyes shut tight, I know what he wants, but I can't move. His hands are going up my shirt, and he rubs my nipples. As it is they were already hard from it being so cold in here. I let out a low moan, and this seems to amuse him.

He chuckles and smiles at me.

"You're going to be a fun little play thing."

Next thing I know, his lips gently brush against my cheek, and he starts to kiss me. His tongue slips into my mouth, trying to wrestle with mine. His mouth is so warm, it's bliss to me. He tastes so good…

"I want to play…" his voice trails off as his hand reaches down into my pants and starts to undo them. He got down on his knees and tugged down on my boxers and then-

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-

Fucking alarm.

I don't want to get up.

I just want to stay in bed…and dream of Takuya some more.

But I guess I should get ready. I'm going to meet him for lunch today, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **The author of this story does not own said characters mentioned in the text below.

**Author's Note:** I'm going back into my "I'm not good at writing, I shouldn't be doing this" slump. Bleh… -_- As always, reviews (good or bad) are welcome!

Hate to Love You – Chapter 3

This isn't the first time I've dreamed of Takuya. My first dream of him was back in the Digital World, we were sleeping and Takuya snuggled up to me completely unaware. I didn't know what to do, I was in utter shock and pissed off he'd do something like that, but I woke up relived to see him sleeping faced away from me. But when I started to develop feelings for him, these dreams have gotten…dirtier. Not that it bothers me.

Homeroom came and went. The time seemed to go by so slowly. My heart was practically beating out of my chest, I was so nervous to be in class with Takuya. I wanted passing period to last forever, I tried to walk fast so I wouldn't run into Takuya, but slow enough so I could hold off seeing him a bit longer. I swear God must hate me. While hoping I wouldn't see him in the hall, I hear him calling my name.

"Oy Kouji! Wait up!"

Why me? Dear God, I just want to be invisible right now. I don't know why I am so nervous. It's just he didn't seem enthusiastic to hear from me yesterday afternoon…

"Hey buddy! Guess who isn't ready for this pop quiz?" he asked and nudged my side with his elbow. I almost jumped at his touch.

"Let me guess," I replied jokingly. It's no surprise to me, he never studies.

"I came home early from practice last night, I was going to study! Honestly I was, but I got distracted. So, I'm sorry I couldn't talk much yesterday, my mom was getting on my case because I haven't spent much time with Shinya lately."

"How do you expect to pass this class if you can't spend just a little time to prepare? Geez Takuya…wow, your mom gets pissy over something little like that?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But I can't help it! Video games are so much more fun than homework and studying! Mom always gets mad at me for it, the little brat just bugs me sometimes."

"If you spent as much time playing video games as you did studying, I'm sure math wouldn't be such a problem for you. I swear, you have no motivation at all," I chuckled. Takuya isn't as dumb as he seems, if he put his mind to it, he could do a lot better in school.

"Anyway why don't you play video games with Shinya for a little bit? You'd be doing something you like and spending time with your little brother."

"I suppose you're right…man we better get to class! The late bell is going to ring!"

xxx

Our teacher gave us a timed quiz; it had to be one of the easiest that I've been given, but as I glanced over at Takuya I could see that he was having a hard time. I scoffed, if he had spent even fifteen minutes reviewing, it would've made a difference. It's about thirty five past the hour and we're already into another chapter. I stare at the white board, although I excel in math, it's not my favorite subject. Out of curiosity, I look at Takuya. Writing another note again? You figure he would just send me a text message, but his parents limit his texting because he always jacks up their bill. So he writes me notes. I don't mind though, before the Digital World, I never had anyone write notes to me. It makes me feel like I matter, at least to Takuya I do.

He turns his head and smiles at me. He mouths, "Wait for me after class", and I nod in agreement. Having to face him in the morning calmed me down. I admit I'm still nervous, I feel like even if I tell him that I love him, it somehow may not matter. Like he already moved on. God I really need to stop overthinking everything.

I pack up my stuff a few seconds before the bell rang. I walk over to Takuya as he shoves everything into his bag.

"Ah I think I bombed that quiz. Oh well, there's always next time," he sighed.

"Well we can study for the next exam together if you want. But that means no slacking off."

He eyes light up and he smiles at me.

"I would love that."

I nod and we start to walk out to class together.

"So uh, Kouji…?"

"Yeah?" I wonder when he's going to menti-

"So about my note…I hope things don't change between us if, you know. I mean, you don't come off that way, but I didn't want to keep it from you anymore."

"Who said things have to change?"

"So you don't like me?"

"I didn't say that, baka! I-" I replied too quickly.

He stopped walking and turned around looking at me like I had just grown a second head.

"Takuya, I like you too."

The late bell rang, but him and I just stood in the hall while other students were running to class.

"Then why didn't you say anything?!"

"How was I supposed to know you felt the same?! I wasn't going to risk ruining our friendship. I never knew you were _that_ way."

"I could say the same about you bud," he chuckled. He put his hands on my shoulders and sighed with relief.

"Kouji I'm so glad. You don't know how happy I am! I've been so scared the past couple days trying to get the nerve to tell you. So, you'll be my boyfriend?"

"I'm happy too. I've had a crush on you for the longest time; I've kept it to myself. Of course I'll be your boyfriend, dork." He hugged me and nuzzled my neck. His embrace was so warm and cozy, I felt safe. Nothing right now could stop me. Besides my brother, Takuya is the only one I have let down my walls to. I know I can trust him, and since our adventures in the Digital World, I know I can always count on him. I wanted to show him I was serious about how I felt, and as I leant in to kiss him, he backed away.

"Uhhh…maybe we shouldn't. Someone might see."

_WHAT?_ This is what I get for accepting his feelings?

"Who cares if someone sees?!" I started to raise my voice, and instantly Takuya put a hand over my mouth. I felt my cheeks warm up to his touch.

"Kouji I'm not ready for people to know we're going out…I haven't even told my parents. No one knows I'm gay. Can't we just keep it low for a little while?"

I wanted to break into pieces. I haven't told anyone either, I mean, I'm not sure if I'm gay, but I know I love him. I want this so much…having to love him in secret, it just hurts…

"Yeah, okay." I can't let him know I'm hurt. I may chase him away.

"Thank you Kouji, I'm sorry, but when the time is right, we don't have to hide."

Time seemed to go on forever, but the bell had only rang just about a minute ago. We're late now, but I don't care. We're about to walk to our own class, but Takuya stops me.

"Oh wait! I forgot to give this to you."

He takes out another note from his pocket and gives it to me.

"You don't have to be alone to read this one," he says and before he walks away he said, "Or maybe….you might want to be."

He winked at me.

He ran off up the stairs. His teacher gives detention on Fridays to students that are late to class. My teacher is always late, so I started to make my way to history. I decided to open up the note and there was only one sentence:

"_Meet me later in the locker room before practice."_

I could've swore my heart almost came out of my mouth.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of said characters mentioned in this story.

**AN**: I always cringe when I read back on my writing. LOL I know, it's awful. I think that's what stumps me from continuing. :/ I've given up on the doujinshi idea I had in mind to go with this story. Instead I've already brainstormed up an idea for the mini sequel for 'Hate to Love You'. (: Yeah yeah, I know I should finish this first, but that's how my brain works. D: Sorry it took so long for another update! Hope you enjoy. [:

One more thing, I used 24 hour time because I remember in Frontier, they used that time. Can't remember if it's in both versions, it's been awhile.

Remember, any review and critique welcome! I don't get why people actually like this so far haha.

**Edit: **If there's just a 3 in the middle of no where, it was supposed to be a heart, not showing up on my screen. :/

Hate to Love You – Chapter 4

_Kouji POV_

Oh God. Does he know? No, there's no way! I don't know what to do. All I can do is stare down at this note.

_Meet me later in the locker room before practice._

There's just no way in hell he could know about my dream. No way…right? My body is shaking, I really want to go home right now, but my step mom is there and I don't need her questioning me why I'm home early. My only choice is to go to class and just calm down, but I can't. I don't know what's waiting for me later on. I can't just ignore it and go straight home. I don't know what Takuya would think, as it is he was acting strange yesterday, but… I really need to start over thinking everything.

Sitting here in class, looking at the clock go by minute by minute is killing me. My legs keep shaking, and the teacher has called on me twice, knowing my mind isn't in his lecture. I can't concentrate; all of this is just getting to my head. I don't know what to do right now, I want to run away, but I can't. I know it seems weird; I've wanted this for so long. I want to be with Takuya, and of course my dreams of him are no help, so why am I afraid?

xxx

Takuya hasn't always been honest with me. A couple months ago, he and I were hanging out at his house playing some game on his computer and watching stupid videos on the internet. That's usually what we do most of the time (when I'm over at his place that is), but we were taking a break, and started talking. Eventually, this wound up being a conversation of sexual preferences and virginity. I hated when people bring up this stuff, it's none of anyone's damn business. Really, why must the whole world know? I really wasn't comfortable with this subject, but I didn't let him know, I just pretended I didn't care, like I do sometimes. But with him, I did care. I wanted him to be my first, and I really hope I could be his until he told me he…he did it…with a girl (not Izumi if that's what you're thinking). He really wasn't giving me any details, which I was glad, I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to think about the boy I loved doing anything with someone else. When he told me this though, it made me think of him differently. He's only dated one girl, that was last year and it only lasted a week, but apparently this girl was a one night stand. I never knew he would do something like that. I just can't believe he'd just do something with some meaningless skank he had no feelings for what so ever. If he wanted to screw someone he didn't care for…at least do it with me…

After he was done talking, something told me that it was my turn. I really didn't want to talk about it…I'm not even sure what I am really. Takuya was obviously straight, but me. I don't even know, I guess I like both. I love Takuya, but I'm not attracted to anyone else so… I had to come up with an answer though, even though my heart was saying something else. Surprisingly he didn't bother asking me anything, all he did was smile and asked if he should order a pizza. Typical. But I was grateful to keep silent about how I felt. And that I'm still a virgin.

xxx

The bell rang, signaling this class was over and now there was just one more class left until the day was done. Takuya is in this class as well. Even though we won't even have a chance to talk, I can't face him now. As I start to slowly pack up my things, I feel something buzz against my thigh. Forgot to turn my phone off it seems.

**From: Kouichi 14:03PM**

**Hey little brother, are we still walking home from school today?**

I let out a sigh and begin to reply, thinking of what I could say…

**No. I'm sorry, I can't today. I'm tutoring Takuya after school since he didn't do so well on his quiz today in class.**

I start walking to my next class, I wish I was invisible right now. Another buzz.

**From: Kouichi 14:09PM**

**Awhhhh really? That's a bummer. I don't want to go home by myself. )= Haha JK. I'll be fine, maybe tomorrow eh? You two behave yourselves. ;) LOL JK.**

Great, like I really need my brother to say something like that. Of all days too! I clench my fists together and walk into class. Strange…Takuya isn't here. He's never late to this class, he's always here a minute or two before me because our teacher is strict about tardiness. I get into my seat just as the bell rang. I admit, I wanted to be late. Maybe I would've gotten detention and it would get me out of meeting Takuya. Again I can't concentrate. My palms are sweating and I feel really hot. I need to get out of here, but there's nothing to excuse me. This is the last class of the day, there's no running away now. Why isn't Takuya here? This is just weird, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I should be relieved, but it's just making me more nervous. Man I should've just stayed home today.

I'm about to put my head down, when my leg buzzes again. Probably Kouichi again trying to be nosy.

**From: Takuya 14:33PM**

**well whaddya kno? coach & arai-san met durin their brk & coach foun out tht damn quiz lowerd my grde in class. so now im runnin laps and doin lousy errans. :P let me kno wat i missd 2day. see ya l8tr…!**

**3**

Well…at least he's back to way he usually texts. It's so annoying, but that's him. The sports teams are pretty strict with the students on the teams. If you don't get good grades, they will suspend you from playing until you get your grades back up. As for Takuya's soccer coach, he makes kids miss a class to run laps around the field. If that's not enough, he makes them go out in town to do errands in uniform. So that's why he's not here. Figures, but…heart?

3

Does that mean…? I can't help but smile. He loves me, he's serious about this. And after all this time, I really thought I wasn't more than just a friend. As soon as the smile came across my face, it's replaced with fear. He still wants me to meet him after class. Shit! Damnit, there's no way out of it now. I look up at the clock.

14:36

There's less than thirty minutes left of class. Geez. I can feel my heart beat, is that bad? I try to get my mind to focus on the classwork. Takuya is going to ask what we did and here I'm not paying attention. Get it together, get it together… I can't think about this shit now! What if Takuya wants to do…stuff? I don't know what to do! Sure, I'm a virgin, I've watched porn here and there, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. What if I don't do it right? Takuya is going to think I'm a moron. Everyone thinks I'm the kind of guy that can get a girl easily and get laid like that because of how often I get swooned over. But I'm not. I don't even know what I am…I'm not gay, but I'm attracted to a boy. So…

The bell rings. Jesus Christ. I sit there while students are piling up at the door. My teacher is organizing her desk from all the paperwork thrown on top of it. I have to get up, everyone's leaving. I grab my bag and walk out in a hall of crowded bodies, some trying to get out of the building like there's a gas leak, some just hanging out like they have nothing else better to do. I go to my locker and stand there for a few moments. I look down at my feet. Everything is going to fine. Nothing is going to happen. Maybe he just wants to talk is all. Yeah, he just wants to talk. Time to go then. I make my way to the boy's locker room. It's on the other side of the school, near one of the back entrances. This gives me more time to…to what? Everything is going to be fine. I hope.

Before I even step foot inside, it wreaks of musty water, sweat, bad B.O. and rubber. Some of these guys are just disgusting, really, they are. I will never understand why people can't have decent hygiene. I walk inside to find it empty. No one is here. Is there even practice today? There should be people here. Takuya has always had the same locker since sixth grade. It doesn't change at this school. I go ahead and walk to where I expect to see him, but he's not there. I sit down on the bench and wait. I'm really not a patient person. I hate waiting on people.

It's been about seven or eight minutes, when I hear a door close and footsteps getting closer and closer. I tense up to what it seems to be like déjà vu.

"Kouji? You here?"

That's Takuya alright.

"Yeah, I'm over here. Where have you been?"

I turn to see him walking towards me, with messy hair and his body drenched with sweat dripping from his face. I feel my face warm, god is he hot.

"Sorry! Coach wanted to talk to me before he let me go for the day. He said if I don't get my grade up to at least a C by the end of the month, he's not going to let me play! Can you believe that? When are we ever going to apply the shit we learn in math anyway? It's complete bull shit!"

I shake my head and chuckle.

"Yeah well it's your fault. You don't pay attention. You do God knows what in that class. Really? What do you do?"

He smiled cheekily and put his bag down next to mine, and unzips it.

"I think about lunch, and what I'm going to have for lunch tomorrow."

"That's pathetic."

He reaches into his bag and pulls out a brown box with red ribbon tied around it.

"And sometimes, I think of you."

He sits down next to me and hands me the box. I tensed up, and look down at the box in my hands. I totally was not expecting this…

"So…? Open it! Geez, I went out of my way to get you something and you just sit there," he says jokingly.

I smile sincerely and pull the ribbon, and open the box. Milk chocolates, the kind with the almonds in it! Oh these are my favorite! He…he remembered… He picks one out of the wrapper and puts it to my lips.

"Open up!" he says with a grin.

I open my mouth and he slips the chocolate on my tongue gently. I know by now, my face is beet red, giving away exactly how I feel. I'm practically an open book. I let it melt in my mouth enough to where I can crunch on the almond by itself and suddenly Takuya moves closer to me. I lean back just a bit, and he just gets closer. The next thing I know, he face is next to mine, and his lips brush against me. He presses them against mine, and bites my lower lip softly. I let out a low moan, and he takes advantage of the moment, slipping his tongue into my mouth. His hand caresses my check while our tongues play with each other. His scent is intoxicating and his tongue is determined to keep wrestling with mine. I close my eyes, this is pure bliss. He pulls away slowly, his face still inches away.

"Kouji…?" he breathes huskily.

I lazily stare blankly into those deep, brown eyes. I almost loose myself in them.

"Uhn…yeah?" That's all I can get out, I almost sound drunk.

"Want to sleep over this weekend?"

Well, I couldn't bring myself to say no.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own said characters they belong to Toei/Bandai or whatever. The only thing I claim is my imagination.

**AN:** I am trying to make these chapters longer and more interesting. It's so hard when you're not used to writing this much. Sex takes place in this chapter, I'm sure some of you have been waiting for this. lol Any review and critique is appreciated. Enjoy!

Hate to Love You – Chapter 5

_Kouji POV_

The week could not go by any slower. Time always seems to go by much slower when people look forward to something and God makes it go by so slow on purpose. All I can think about is the weekend. Sure, Takuya and I have had sleep overs before, but this time is going to be different, because this time, we're a couple. Maybe not an official one though.

In the mornings, I meet up with Takuya about a block or two away from school and we usually walk together. Walks never usually mean anything, we're both tired and not looking forward to school, but that's just how it is. But now that we're going out, walks are different now. I get to spend time with him, and we talk, and it's just great. Except, like most couples do when they walk together, we don't hold hands. The morning after we met in the locker room, we met up as usual and began our march to hel- I mean school. I don't know what came over me, maybe it was a natural 'boyfriend instinct', but suddenly I had moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. I felt him tense up and he let my hand drop to my side. He looked at me, almost shamefully and said, "Not in public, okay?"

That totally didn't kill my day.

So now I'm trying to teach myself to not be affectionate when other people are around.

But really.

What the actual fuck.

Not being able to hold hands, or even peck him on the cheek when I want to is more wrong to me than how some people see homosexuals. Seriously, I should be allowed to hold him and love him how I want and when I want. But out of respect for him, I have to force myself to hold back. And for the one of the few times in my life, it really hurts. But what can you do, you know? He's not ready to 'come out' yet, I don't blame him, but at the same time, he shouldn't care. He wouldn't care, I don't know, I've noticed he's different with me. Usually he's not the kind of guy to care what other people think of him, but when he's with me, that changes, and he becomes slightly insecure.

The days pass by ever slowly, and it's getting really hard to contain my excitement. The last day of school finally comes and I decide to go over to Takuya's house tomorrow morning instead of walking home with him right after class. Today I'm walking home with Kouichi, I don't want him to get the idea that I'm ignoring him or anything. We decide to take a break at a little coffee shop before we head our separate ways. We sit in the corner booth, we both like our privacy. He and I are so much alike, yet we are so different.

"Say, how do you think you did on the English test?" he asks while he plays with the straw in his mouth.

"Well, the short answer section was kind of confusing. They should have reworded most of that, but to be honest, I feel that's the only thing on the whole test I might have missed. It was fairly easy. How 'bout you Nii-san?"

He stirs the ice in his cup and ponders for a few moments. "I actually thought that short answer was really easy! It stumped me at first, but I reread it about a thousand times before I finally understood. I'm sure I missed a few questions, but overall it should not have affected my score too much." He begins to nibble on some cookies, and looks at me wide eyed.

"Say, little brother, I've been meaning to ask you something." Crumbs fall onto his shirt.

"Eh what is it?" The question didn't really concern me much, so I didn't pay much attention and decided to look out the window at all the people walking around like there's no tomorrow.

"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but lately, I get this feeling like…you're hiding something from me?"

I freeze up.

I don't understand. I haven't made it that obvious have I? I haven't even talked to my brother or seen him that much lately because of all the work from class we've been getting. There's no way he could know about Takuya and I!

Gah Kouji, keep your cool!

I continue to stare outside, pretending like I'm focusing on what's out there, but I know I'm not thinking about the passersby. A let out a sigh and turn to him and put my elbow the table so I can rest my head on my arm.

"Huh? And what do you think I'm keeping from you?"

"Erhm…well I don't know, I just have this feeling you're not being completely honest with me Kouji."

I raise a brow and roll my eyes.

"You don't even know what you're talking about Kouichi, so why accuse me of something like that?"

"I never accused you, I just said I felt like y-"

"Kouichi, I'm not hiding or keeping anything from you okay? I don't know where you got that idea. You know I don't keep secrets from you."

He looked down at his lap and then back to me. He smiled, but it was a sad one.

"I know Kouji, I'm sorry….forget I asked! Ha ha, well let's just finish up. Kaa-san is expecting me home by now."

We finished eating what was left of the cookies, and threw our coffees out. I know I have hurt his feelings by snapping at him. I get he's only trying to look out for me, but there's so much he doesn't understand.

I'm sorry Kouichi.

We make our way out and continue to walk another block further where we say our good byes. Now I'm left to walk home by myself. That's alright, you probably know I don't mind being alone. But for once, I really do feel lonely. I look at the sun setting into the orange horizon trying to process all the thoughts running through my head.

xxx

Sunday comes faster than I expected. The sun shine peaks through my curtains and I roll over lazily. I'm so tired; I don't remember sleeping last night at all. I thought about Takuya and my conversation with Kouichi from the day before. I still feel bad, but I know he's probably over it. I know it may seem like a different story to you, but he really isn't one to hold grudges. Especially things like this. I sit up and look down at my phone on the night stand.

**From: Kouichi Kimura 10:23AM**

**Hey Nii-chan! Just wanted to say we need to go back to that place for coffee again, their iced coffee is better than Starbucks. lol Anyway have fun with Takuya later, see you at school tomorrow!**

I sighed with relief; it's good to see him in a good mood. I really do hope he's not upset with me. There's no time to sit around and feel bad, I said what I said. Oh well. It's not like I can take it back.

I take my time getting ready. I'm supposed to come over after lunch because Takuya has a lot of chores to do before we can hang out. I shower, get my overnight bag ready, eat a small breakfast, and make my way over to Takuya's. I'm really anxious. He said his parents will be out most of the day, and his little brother is going to a birthday party, so it's going to be just the two of us. I can't wait! We haven't had any time to ourselves in a long time, and now that we're dating, time together is definitely going to be…

different.

I get to Takuya's doorstep and take a big breath and knock on the door.

"COME IN!" I hear him yell.

I leave my shoes on the door and find him in the kitchen, cleaning after a huge mess on the counter.

"Uh you need any help there..?"

He's covered in powder and there's something dripping onto the floor.

"My mom is going to FREAK the fuck out if she comes home and sees this! Can you get the mop from the closet?!" He scurries to the sink and sponges up the mess on the counter top, and I come back with the ever important mop.

"So what happened? The Pillsbury dough boy wage war on you?"

"Ha ha, NO. Funny man, here I go out of my way to make you a cake, and you poke fun at me?" he says jokingly, "Just help me clean up. If my mom sees this, she's going to take my computer away. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY INTERNET! I. CAN'T."

"Okay okay, geez, calm down, start over with the counters. Egg and shit is all over the floor now. I never figured you would be one to bake. So, where is that cake?" I was curious now, I didn't see it anywhere.

Takuya sighed and pointed with his eyes to the trash can.

"It didn't make it."

"Ouch. Sorry about that. Why didn't you just buy one from the store? It would've saved you the trouble."

"Because!" he whined as he wiped up the counter with a paper towel, "I wanted to make something for you, like it would be special cause…you know, I made it."

I looked away as I continued to mop. I could feel my face getting warm.

"B-baka…you shouldn't go out of your way to do things like that for me."

"But why not? I know you don't like that I get edgy about doing stuff in public. I wanted to make it up to ya!" he said and smiled cheekily. I shrug and finish mopping the floor from egg and bits and pieces of egg shell. He threw the soiled towels in the trash and walked over to me. I take a step back as he gets closer. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks straight at me. I want to look away, but my eyes are locked with his.

"Kouji, I really love you, I hope you know that." His voices changes, it's softer and more lower in tone.

"Y-yeah I do know. I love you too Takuya."

He leans in and bumps his forehead against mine. By now I'm working up a sweat and I bet my face is beat red against my pale skin.

"I don't want you to ever think that you're not important. I hate seeing you depressed and I don't like when you shut me out. I really wish I could do more to make you happy."

"I-I am happy, I'm with you aren't I? We're together now. That's what makes me h-happy." Goddammit stop stuttering.

He nods and smiles. "I'm happy I'm with you too…let me show you how happy I am."

He inches closer and his lips brush against mine and he kisses me. Hard. My body tenses up, and my eyes close shut as we embrace each other with our mouths. He pulls away and takes my hand.

"C'mon! Let's go t-", before he could finish, he slipped over the wet floor I had just mopped, and falls backward, head first.

"Shit shit! Takuya! Oh my God! Takuya! I'm sorry! Takuya!"

He really took a hit to the head, and was out cold. I feel terrible! It's my fault he fell! I carefully pick him up, he's a bit heavy, and carry him over to the couch in the living room. I kiss his forehead and begin to finish cleaning the kitchen. It's the least I could do now…

About forty-five minutes later, I'm sitting on the couch watching TV, his head on my lap, and suddenly he wakes up.

"Ungh…geez…I really need to stop landing on my head…"

I look down and sigh with relief. I caress his cheek and he looks up at me innocently.

God he's adorable.

"Kou…ji…you're still here?"

"Of course I am you dork! You think I was going to leave?"

He sits up and rubs his head, looking into the kitchen.

"Awwh man! You didn't have to clean my house! I was going to finish up."

"It was just your kitchen."

"Yeah, but it was a war zone!"

I get up to pour him a glass of water and he follows.

"You really should lay down Taku-kun." I hand him a glass.

He blushes and sips while looking at me.

"Taku-kun?"

I look at the sink nervously. Uh..

"It just slipped it. I'll won't call you that if you-"

"No it's okay, it's kinda cute actually." He giggles and dumps the rest of the water in the sink and sits on the counter.

"You can be my Kou-chan then," he smirks.

"Ugh, Kou-chan? Can't you pick anything else?"

"Nope! You're going to have to deal with it Kou-chan!"

I punch his shoulder playfully, "You better not wear it out so fast!"

He winks at me and hopes off the counter and makes his way over to his room.

"C'mon then!"

I follow him and we sit on his bed and start playing video games. An hour or two in, he yawns and cracks his back and falls lazily back onto his bed. I pause the game and turn around, still sitting with my legs crossed. I can't help but yawn as well, it is contagious after all.

"Ahhhhh, shit, I'm tired. I don't wanna go to school tomorrowwwwww!" he whines.

I roll my eyes and get off the bed to go get a drink from the kitchen.

"Hey Kouji?"

"What?"

"Close the door."

I look at him confused and he is looking at me, with a serious face. So much for my drink. I'm thirsty, but from the looks of it, that's the last thing I should be worried about right now. When you want the door closed, that usually means something you're not supposed to be doing is going to happen. Right? I close the door and I'm about to turn around when he says, "Lock it too."

I lock the door anxiously and come back to him. He's sitting on the edge of his bed and smiles mischievously.

"Neh Kouji, I wanna play a different game now…" he smirks.

He unzips his jeans and waits for me to realize what he's getting at. I already had an idea when he wanted the door locked. I swallow nervously, and by instinct I kneel in front of him. I start to pull his jeans down, and he wiggles his way out of them. Now the bulge that was hiding in his pants is more visible and I can already feel my face getting hot again. My hands are shaking as I pull out his hardening cock out of his boxers. I really don't know what I'm doing to be honest. I've never done this before, but I guess it's just common sense what you're supposed to do. I start stroking his hardness slow and firmly. He lets out a low moan and he is looking down at me, watching me intently. My strokes begin to get faster, using both hands as I work his cock up and down.

"Unhh…Kouji…" he moans.

I decide to give my hands a break and I put his member in my mouth a little too eagerly. He moans my name again, closes his eyes and puts a hand on my head. I lick his shaft from the base of his cock all the way to his tip, and suck on the head that has already collected some pre cum. I try not to cringe at the taste; it's not very pleasant in my opinion, but whatever. I take his cock whole in my mouth and that really hits a spot. He moans louder and grabs my hair, pulling my head down onto his crotch. His cock goes farther into my throat and I try to hold back on choking. I fight against him and pull back, and I suckle on his tip. He continues to pull on my hair as I stroke and suck on him. My hard on below is desperate for attention, but I ignore it because I want Takuya to be impressed with how I can pleasure him. He still doesn't know I'm a virgin. I work with my mouth, swallowing him again and again, stroking him harder and faster.

"K-Kouji! I'm going to-"

Finally he grabs my hair tightly and lets out a loud moan and comes on my face before I can take him with my mouth one last time.

He pants as he tries to catch his breath, his hold on my hair becomes nonexistent. I'm a bit embarrassed with myself, I feel dirty and ashamed, but at the same time I'm very much aroused and I wanted to pleasure him more. I peer up at him, and he looks down at me with lust.

"Ready for round two?" he asks huskily as he wipes off the cum of the side of my mouth.

I get up, and remove my shirt and my pants and join him on the bed.

"I'm always ready."


End file.
